You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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