new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
