I'm eating all of the evidence.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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