Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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