Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
