Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
