Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
