You just made me feel so damn special
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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