I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
