dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
