i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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