she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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