You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Randomize
