READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
