ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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