i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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