It's like a parade of train wrecks.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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