Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
