Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
