hell yes lets make some ravioli
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
