I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
