He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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