can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
