Umm I'm too high to move.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
