That's intense
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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