how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
