sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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