I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
