nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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