i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
