He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
