the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
