Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
