does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
