I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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