Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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