'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
