someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
