If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
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