I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
