I puked a lego.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
try to milk me bitch
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