just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
