People in love make me want to vomit
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
