conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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