My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Randomize
