I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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