Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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