How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
