I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
