you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
